Souls Lost and Found
by Shadow 3013
Summary: Relationships are shattered, and two young men set out on their own into the world to find themselves anew. (YaoiSlashShonen-Ai) (1X6, 1XR, 13X5, 2X1, 13X6)
1. Lost

_I knew that this would happen eventually; it was inevitable. And yet, after all my attempts to ready myself, I still wasn't prepared for the blow it dealt to me. I don't think there is anything I could have done to help protect my heart, or rather, nothing that I would have done._

_So it is my self-imposed fate to deal with this pain. Considering all that I have done, the blood that stains my hands and soul, it is only a fitting punishment._

_But then, why are others that have done as I have, others that have done worse, escaping punishment? Why are many of them being rewarded? _

_He's left me for another. It's what he wants, so I have done, and will do, nothing to stop him. He deserves whatever happiness he can get in his life, and who am I to prevent him from obtaining it?_

_I only pray that my luck hasn't run completely dry. To survive the war only to have to live out the rest of my life in loneliness is a fate worse than death, to my way of thinking._

_I'm lost now—lost and alone—and I just want to be found._

I walked into our bedroom one day and came face to face with the very image I had been hoping I would never see: Treize and WuFei in bed together. They weren't doing anything; in fact, the Chinese boy was asleep. But when I saw the looks of contentment and happiness on their faces, I knew that any chances of salvaging my relationship with Treize were gone. He'd never looked that happy when I was with him.

I didn't make a big scene, a fact that seemed to relieve Treize immensely. I simply gathered up my belongings, making sure to stay quiet so as not to wake my former lover's current—and likely soon to be permanent—partner, and left. I didn't worry about leaving anything behind as I knew that even if I did, Treize would make sure it got to me. It's just his way.

Home: it's an empty word when there's nothing there to bring to mind fond memories and nobody for you to make a set of new ones with. Still, 'home' is where I went; a large mansion, completely empty of anything I loved or knew. My father had left it to me and the only memories it brought were of him, and they were not particularly soothing ones.

This was not the happy place where my family had lived together when I was a child. This was the place where I had last been together with them all, and I hadn't been happy with any of them. A child's temper is a terrible, sensitive thing, and mine was no exception; I never had a chance to apologize to my father for being so horrible. Not a happy place, not happy thoughts.

But I had nowhere else to go and nobody to turn to. I suppose that I could have gone to Noin, but I don't want to impose on that wonderful woman. She's happy with her current job, her current life. I don't want to change that.

That's exactly why I'm still living there, in that sad shadow of a home, after an entire month. Or, at least, the majority of my belongings are still there. The building and its contents are still devoid of happy attachments, and do little to quell my feelings of loneliness. Considering the way I'm constantly somewhere else, I've concluded that I must be trying to avoid it.

That is why I'm traveling the colonies, one by one, doing what I can to help at each of them. I just left L1 and am on my way to L2. I've seen the multitude of orphanages and homeless children there, and I want to help improve the conditions they live under. After being part of the war that ravaged their lives, it's the very least I can do.

* * *

I knew it was too good to be true. I've always known it, right from the beginning. Over time I let myself believe that maybe I _was_ good enough for him, just like he always told me I was, and look where that's gotten me: into a bigger mess than before.

Imagine. I fooled myself into thinking that _I_ was better than Relena Miss Queen of the World, Richer Than Everyone, Pink Limousine and Fancy Dresses Relena!

Yeah. I run, I hide, but I never lie… except to myself. You've really done it this time, Maxwell. Biggest fool of them all.

At least it happened differently than I'd imagined when Heero and I first hooked up… I always thought it would be really dramatic: He'd come in with Relena hanging off of him, sweep her off her feet, kiss her, and leave me crying in the background. I was right on one account: I was left crying. Other than that, it was completely different.

I was putting up some groceries I'd just bought when he walked into the kitchen. I knew right away that something was wrong. He wasn't smiling, but that was nothing unusual. It was the way he was looking at me, just like the way he did when we first met and I tried to kill him.

"Heero? What… what's wrong?" I asked him hesitantly. Incidentally, I happened to be holding a carton of eggs when I made that inquiry.

"Duo… I'm just here to say goodbye."

"What? Goodbye? Where are you- Oh God. You're leaving me for _her_, aren't you? You are. God, you _bastard_! I don't understand! If you love her, why'd you get with me to begin with?" I shouted. My grip on the egg carton tightened and the lid came halfway open. Not that I noticed at the time or anything, of course, but looking back it's a pretty clear memory.

"Duo, I'm sorry. You taught me to care, to realize that my feelings shouldn't just be ignored. And once I took hold of what you were saying, I realized that it wasn't you I wanted to be with. Not like that. The one I truly want is Relena." Remorse—and maybe some guilt too, I'm still not sure—flickered across his face. At least he's gotten to where he'll show some emotion to people he cares for… even if he only cares for them 'as a friend.'

"And when did you realize _that_?"

"Near the end of the war."

"_What?_ You've been in love with Relena for tha_t_ long and lied to me about it? About everything?"

Heero sighed and shook his head a little. "I've never lied to you about anything like that, Duo. I always loved you. I still love you. I always _will_ love you. I just want to see you happy. During the war, I _had_ to make sure you were happy. I didn't want you to kill yourself in a fit of depression. But now that times are peaceful, I know that you can find someone else, someone better suited for you than I am."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, real easy for you to say. You aren't the one getting dumped." The other side of the carton lid popped open.

"Duo, I'm not _dumping_ you. I'm just changing the level of our relationship. I was hoping that we could just stay friends."

"You want us to 'just stay friends', huh? Yes, Heero, we can stay friends… But I need some time away from you right now. I don't know how long, but don't try talking to me or even trying to see me until _I _come to _you_."

"Duo, I—"

"Just go, Heero." I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes and struggled to keep my voice from wavering. As if Heero didn't already know how I was feeling.

"Alright, Duo, I understand. But whenever you decide that you're ready, I want you to remember that our home will always be open to you. Relena doesn't really hate you, you know. She was just jealous of our friendship."

I somehow managed to force the slightest sliver of a smile onto my face. "Oh, I always knew she was jealous of me. With _you_ being the one she wanted, how could she not be? Thanks, Heero."

"There's no reason for you to thank me, Duo. Not for causing you pain. I…" Heero looked away from me and closed his lips for a few seconds. "Goodbye, Duo." He hesitated for a moment, then turned and walked out of the apartment.

The carton fell from my suddenly useless hands. The eggs shattered when they hit the ground, and the hold I'd kept on my tears shattered with them. I collapsed to the floor, sobbing, surrounded by egg yolks and shells.

It took me a good hour to stop crying, and it was another ten minutes before I gathered enough strength and willpower to stand up and go to my bedroom. It was no surprise to me that all of Heero's clothes were gone; it was only to be expected, given the situation. I _was_ surprised to find that he had also taken the framed picture of us that had been on the nightstand.

In retrospect, I suppose it was the smart thing to do because I'm sure that in one of my fits of depression or anger, I probably would have broken it. Looking at the half-empty room made me want to cry again, but I couldn't. Instead I just dragged myself onto the bed and went to sleep.

A week passed and I still wasn't dealing with the situation very well, but I didn't know why. Another week went by and I was no better. That's when I realized that it was because the apartment was too full of memories of Heero, or more specifically, memories of Heero and me.

I decided to leave Earth behind and go back to L2. That's always been my real home; Heero was the one that wanted to live on Earth, and I could never tell him no. Besides, I grew up on L2, and even with all its cons it still has a special place in my heart.

I've been here on L2 for almost a week now. That makes it almost a month since Heero announced his—our—so-called change in relationship. Things are a little better, but not much. At least now I've got something other than thoughts of Heero to occupy my mind. I'm trying my best to help the orphanages by donating my time and what little money I can spare.

We're getting another helper tomorrow, and I'm supposed to pick him up from the airport to show him around. Rumor has it that he's rich. I don't really care if he's rolling in cash or flat out broke; he's another pair of hands to help fix an orphanage roof or plant a food garden for the poor, even if he isn't the one donating the supplies. And he's a potential friend, which makes things even better. I'm not the solitary type, ya know, and I don't have any real friends here on L2.

My contact said they would send a young man to the airport to meet me and show me where to go, but I don't know how I'm supposed to recognize him. Ah well, I'm sure that I'll be fine one way or another.

I leave the plane and enter the terminal. As I walk towards the luggage claim center I quickly survey the crowd, looking for anyone approaching me specifically. I don't see anyone that stands out.

I take my luggage off of the conveyor belt as it goes past and turn to make my way towards one of the exits. A strangely familiar figure off to my right catches my attention and I look towards it from the corner of my eye. Nothing. Perhaps it's only my imagination?

My thoughts distract me momentarily and I bump into someone.

"Oh, pardon me, I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was… going," I apologize quickly, trailing off at the end. I stare for a few short moments before my manners take over. "Duo Maxwell?" I ask incredulously.

Oh Lord. How do they expect me to find _anyone_ in a crowd like this? I'm a trained terrorist, a professional assassin, a lethal killing machine, and damn good looking to boot, but I'm not a bloodhound, and I _don't_ have a built-in radar system! It's flattering that they've overestimated my skills, but it doesn't make things easy on me.

Oh well. I'll find him eventually. My luck may not be that great lately, but it can't be so bad that I can't find _one_ person in a few hours. At least, I don't think it can…

Great. To make my day even _better_, I just bumped into someone. It must not be my fault since they're the one apologizing, but that isn't the point.

"Duo Maxwell?" a male voice stutters. Wait, they know me? This could be trouble. My head whips up and I stare. And stare.

"Yeah," I manage to stutter. "Zechs? Zechs Marquise?"

* * *

Okay. Gundam Wing isn't mine, neither are its characters. This wonderful anime belongs to its creator and owners and such, not to me. Only the idea of this story is mine. So don't sue. I'm fairly proud of this story, so please email me with any comments or criticism. Thank you all in advance. 


	2. Wandering (Part One)

Man. Zechs Marquise. I sure didn't expect him to show up on L2, of all places. Isn't this place a little… below him? I guess I'll find out what he's up to soon enough…

"What are you doing here?" I ask him curiously. We're being swept along by the crowd now, but that long platinum hair makes it hard to lose sight of him. Man, it's long… I wonder what he does to keep it so straight and shiny? I'd ask to swap hair care tips, but somehow I don't think I'd be well received.

"I'm here doing volunteer work," Zechs replies. We stop at an elevator and he pushes the down button.

"Hey, no kidding? I'm here to meet a volunteer and take him back to HQ. Guess that means we've found each other, huh?" A wide smile is spreading onto my face, the first one that's been on it in almost a week. The last time I smiled was a day or two after I got here, when some little girl thanked me for giving her a nicer place to live in. It's nice to smile again.

He nods, the corners of his mouth turning up into a politely tolerant smile, and we get into the elevator. I stop talking for a second as we head downwards; I hate elevators. You'd think that a Gundam pilot wouldn't mind that lurchy feeling you get riding in a moving elevator, but I can't stand it. It's weird feeling. Flying at neck-breaking speeds and fighting battles totally against the odds? That I can handle. But an elevator in a building with more than three floors is a living nightmare for me.

We reach the base floor and step out. Thank God. I follow Zechs as far as the exit before taking the lead myself. "Our taxi should be here any second," I tell him. He nods; not much of a talker, apparently. Why do I always seem to attract the silent types?

As we wait I tell him all about what types of volunteer work we do here. "So where do you want to help out first?" I ask him once our taxi arrives. We get inside and I tell the driver where to go.

Duo certainly talks a great deal. I wonder how any of his fellow Gundam pilots ever managed to put up with him between missions? As rude as it may sound, I must admit that my respect for them has just risen substantially.

Where do I want to help out first? Well, it would be nice to have a familiar face around in an unfamiliar place, even if the face is that of your former enemy…

"Where are you volunteering?" I ask him. He seems a bit surprised at the question, but that doesn't keep him from responding instantly.

"Me? Oh, I just finished my last job yesterday, so I'm not doing anything specific right now."

"Ah. Well, where do you plan on going next?"

He's giving me an odd look. Did I say something wrong? I don't believe that I did, but I could easily be mistaken.

Man, what's up with him? Why all the interest in where I'm going? Maybe he's still got a grudge, me being the old enemy and all, and now that he's found me he wants to kill me or torture me or something…

I take a closer look at Zechs to see if I can tell anything from his expression, and what I find completely blows my first theory as to why he's here and replaces it with a second, much more likely one. His eyes look haunted, and in an instant I think I know his motivation: he's lonely.

That's why he wants to know where I'm going next. I may have been his enemy during the war, but at least I'm a familiar face. I think he's facing the same problem as I am: he's on a colony without any friends around, and he wants to avoid being by himself.

Of course, I may be wrong. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. God knows that I've been trying to make friends, but other than a few casual acquaintances I still don't have any yet.

"I dunno." I reply with a shrug. "I'll see where they need help the most, and that's probably where I'll go." The taxi stops: we're there. I pay the driver, then run ahead to hold the building's front door open so that Zechs and his luggage can get through with ease. Well, relative ease, that is.

"Okay. Now just let me carry some of your luggage inside for you… No, don't argue! It won't be easy going up a few flights of stairs carrying all that—we don't have an elevator in this place—and you can't leave it downstairs because it would probably 'disappear', even in a place like this full of basically good people. I want to get home as soon as I can, so let me help! There. Thank you. Now, just follow me, and we'll be at the boss's office in no time flat," I say, snatching some of his bags away and heading up some stairs. He looks kinda surprised again, but he follows me anyway.

"Actually, he's not really our boss, per se, but he's the one that organizes everything, and we all report to him for new assignments, so he's practically our boss, and that's what we call him. Boss."

I continue to chatter cheerfully until we reach the office door. It's just as I'm opening it that I realize I haven't talked this much since the day Heero left me. It really feels good to chase away the silence for a while.

I don't know how he manages to talk that much and walk up all these stairs, carrying half of my luggage. Doesn't he ever pause to take a breath?

He suddenly stops in front of a door, knocks, and opens it. He waves me inside, follows me into the room and closes the door. I look to the person sitting at the desk and stare.

I know him.

I know him very well, in fact.

What's wrong with Zechs? He's just standing there, staring. That isn't like him; from what I've seen, he's always the definition of politeness! So what's up with him?

"Well, Duo. It seems as though you've brought our newest recruit, eh? Good job. Would you mind leaving us while I talk to him? I need to see what he's like, make sure I give him the jobs he's best suited for." Boss says, smiling at me. I nod and exit the room.

It's not until I've already gone down three flights of stairs that I realize something: Boss doesn't do interviews. He hates them, says they're a waste of time. People should figure out what they're good at and what they're not by trying things out, not by talking about themselves.

So why did he ask for Zechs to stay, and me to leave? And why give the obvious lie of conducting an interview? Oh well. It's none of my business anyway.

Besides, I'm sure I'll be able to pry it out of Zechs eventually. Not even WuFei can keep himself from caving to my whims when I turn the ol' Duo Maxwell charm on full force.

This could be fun.


	3. Wandering (Part Two)

"Miklotov?" I ask, disbelieving and, in spite of myself, slightly suspicious as well.

"The one and only," the man behind the desk replies with a smile. He's always reminded me of a wolf when he smiles. A friendly wolf, but a wolf all the same.

Miklotov Kushrenada. Treize's dear cousin. He really isn't all that bad, but he and Treize never got along particularly well, to say the least.

"It's good to see you again, Miklotov." I say with a slight smile. It's the truth; Treize may not have liked his cousin, but I've always been rather fond of him. He has a good sense of humor and irony, much like Treize. Perhaps that's part of the reason they always clash when they're in the same room…

"Please, Milliardo. We've known each other since we were children; call me Mik," he scolds me, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter. "And please, sit down," he adds, nodding towards the plush, if slightly tattered, red velvet cushioned chair in front of me. I thank him, then deposit my luggage onto the floor and sit down in the proffered chair.

"I never knew that you had taken up charity work as a hobby, Mik," I say, raising one eyebrow. It's good to see him doing something useful with his money and status, but I'm hard pressed to believe that this is all he's doing here on L2. He always has a trick up his sleeve.

"Oh, this is much more than a mere hobby, Milliardo. It is my current passion." My mind can't help but lock on the word current, and I hold back a sigh. So, it's not going to last. Not surprising; I didn't really think it would, which is why I assumed it was a simple hobby. But it's doing many people some good while it lasts, which is a good deal more than I can say for some of his past 'passions', as he's putting it.

"You see," he continues, "there are multitudes of benefits of doing charity work. I get to meet so many interesting people. Volunteer workers, whom I may someday use as contacts in a tight situation. Orphans and the poor, who will testify to my generosity and kindness if I ever get in trouble with the law. Not to mention the gratitude and love that so many of them feel for me once I've helped them. And, of course, the wealthy contributors, who make wonderful business partners and allies."

Ah, so that's it. He's just building up his list of allies and supporters. A wise move, considering the enemies he has, even if it means that he isn't changed as much as I had hoped when I first saw him in the office.

"Well, I must admit that it is a wise move to enlist more allies, Mik," I acknowledge with a smile. "And the adoration must be a highly pleasurable bonus."

He laughs and runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair. "You know me too well, Milliardo. So, how is my dear cousin Treize doing?"

I try to keep from frowning but fail. I had been hoping that he wouldn't mention Treize.

"He's… happy," I respond shortly. Miklotov looks concerned. I know he's about to start asking questions; I just hope he doesn't ask too many. I may not be able to handle talking about it much yet.

"You don't look too happy, though," he says with a frown. "What'd he do? Leave you for someone else?" I didn't think I was that obviously upset, but maybe I'm not. After all, Mik knows me quite well, and that includes how to read me.

I nod. "He did. For an… acquaintance he made during the war."

"Gott. The cold-hearted idiotic bastard!" he exclaims. He's smiling again before I can say anything, although the expression is now more cold and calculating. It's the smile of a man with a plan or trap that he knows will work, and that makes me suspicious. "Don't worry, Milli. I'll get you someone before you leave this colony, just you watch," he vows, banging one fist against his desk. I can tell that he's rattled by my confession since he uses my childhood nickname.

My eyes widen. It's just like him to say such a thing, but I still didn't expect it. "Oh, that won't be necessary, Mik," I rush to say before he can plan any further. He cuts me off with another exclamation.

"Now, let's see… Who here would be your type? I'd get together with you myself, but I enjoy the, ah, company of ladies too much for that to ever work out. It's nothing personal, you understand. Hmm… There's one man that's helping out in the construction of a new orphanage… Handsome, well muscled, but I don't think he's bright enough for your tastes. Then there's the engineer that flew in last month… He's very intelligent, but he has absolutely no sense of humor. I can't bear to be in his presence any longer than necessary, so that won't work either…" He falls silent and thinks for a few moments, giving me time for my own thoughts.

I'm only sure of one thing right now: he's serious about this. I have the feeling that getting me together with someone so that I can 'get over' Treize is going to be one of his new 'passions.' And if I'm right, he isn't going to give up on this any time soon. Well, isn't that just my luck… Ah well. That's the way of true friends, I suppose.

"I know!" he bursts, standing up suddenly. "Duo! That braided boy that brought you in here! He's younger than you, but not by much, and he's certainly attractive enough, between the hair and the body and the eyes. Besides, I like the boy. He's a good kid." Mik pauses for a moment, and I open my mouth in hopes of protesting. No such luck; he rushes on with his praises.

"And then there's the fact that he's nursing a broken heart of his own, or so I'm guessing by the way he acts sometimes. He was a wreck when he first got here, but he's getting better. If nothing else, you've got the shared experience of being in the war, and they say that such a bond is one of the closest two people can share. You would be assured at least some small amount of common ground, common experiences to talk of." He pauses, his smile widening. "Yes, that's it!" he finishes enthusiastically. To my horror, he pushes a button on his desk and a small tele-screen slides up and out. A smiling woman's face appears on it.

"Yes, sir? You need something?" she asks cheerfully, tilting her head slightly to one side.

Mik smiles. "Yes, I do. Can you have someone find Duo Maxwell and send him up to my office?"

"Of course, sir. In fact, he went by here only a few seconds ago. I'll send someone after him right away. Is that all, sir?"

"Yes, that's all for now, Natasha. Thank you." He pushes the button again and the tele-screen goes blank and slides back into place.

"Don't worry, Milliardo. I'll take care of everything," he says, smiling and leaning back in his chair. He already looks proud of himself, as if he's just pulled off the perfect scheme.

I can't help but feel incredibly nervous already.

I tense slightly as I hear quick footsteps approaching me from behind; someone is running in my direction.

"Mr. Maxwell!" a feminine voice calls out. I turn to face the woman that called me.

"Yes?" I ask. I don't know many of the people working in the office, and certainly not this young woman; I'd have remembered her long black hair. It doesn't make sense that she would know me… So why was she running down the hall to catch up with me?

"I regret causing you any inconvenience, Mr. Maxwell, but Ms. Natasha, Boss's personal secretary, asked me to go after you. You're to report to the Boss's office immediately." She smiles after delivering her message. I smile back and wave her on, letting her go back to her job.

So, Boss wants to talk to me? Well. That didn't take long. I wonder if Zechs is still in there with him? I go up the steps two at a time, hurrying as quickly as I can. I don't want to keep Boss waiting.

A minute or two later, I'm walking into his office.


End file.
